Oooopppsss...I was going to get to this two days ago.

So where did I leave off? I prepared in as many ways as I could and the morning of was taken 'out' to my space high on a hill out of Sedona, Arizona. The space had been selected. There was no cover except a little scraggly desert 'tree or bush' a little ways off. And the site, not very big, was on a bit of a slope!

The first night without any tent or protection was the hardest for me. In the night I heard what sounded like hooves and then snorting and yikes, I was scared. So I jumped up and starting saying: "I mean you no harm ( whatever big boar beast I imagined )...go away." Well they did but they came back each night. Four nights.

I did not rest well and you have to know that when dawn began I was SO happy to see the sun over the mountains across the valley, and to hear the drumming and singing of my supporters far, far below on the plain. But they were so loud - on purpose - I heard them.

How did I make it through? Not sure. It is now all like a dream. And perhaps while I was out it was a dream.

On the last day I was ready early for them to come and 'get me.' I was almost giddy I remember. I walked easily down the mountain and into the second half of a sweat lodge. Yikes...that was hard. NO water or food for 4 days and we have another hour or so of prayers in a hot, hot lodge. 

But I made it and I am very proud I did. When my kids and grandkids and even great-grandies think about my life, I hope they remember this about me: I took chances. I did my best to follow my dreams.

The older I get the more I think about important events in my past. NOT all the time but when I see a picture I am reminded of that 'event'. 

This picture was taken in 2009 as I was preparing to go 'out' on a Vision Quest in Sedona, Az. 

I had never done a Vision Quest before but I knew in my heart that I wanted to! This day was the culmination of months of preparation, reading, dreaming...talking about the Quest. Luckily my teachers were sponsoring it with a lovely man from Sedona actually leading the Quest.

I was really, really afraid! I had not been eating for a few days in preparation as I was going to be out, on my own on this land for 5 days and 4 nights. I would not eat or drink while I was out. And since my space was chosen and blessed, and I was 'put in it' and asked not to leave, I had a space on the earth about 10' by 6'? Wound around the space was the long string of tobacco tied by me to protect me. I had a sleeping bag, my clothes, a tarp and jacket and hat. And what I had on. 

It was probably one of the biggest things I had ever done. Big for me. And not without its own...flavor. Magic. Fear. 

​I am going to do another part of this tomorrow, the 24th so check in. 

Just looking at this picture I think of how many thousands - millions - of years this coast has existed. Of course there have been changes, but basically this landscape has been 'going on' for a long time.

And it made me think of the word 'sturdy'. Part of the etymology: substance, firm..courageous are just some of the meanings. A client was talking about the word in the context of her parenting.

But I have been thinking of the word. Wondering about 'sturdiness' in me, in my life. How sturdy am I? 

And...what can I do to feel/be/believe I am sturdier? 

Just a question but one that has been 'playing' in my mind a lot in the last few days.